Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back
Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out of love - is a natural and widespread phenomenon in long-term relationships. As a matter of fact, most of these relationships experience an ebb and flow that is quite normal and to be expected. The problem, as I see it, is that most of us buy into the idea that we are supposed to fall in love and live ``happily ever after.'' In reality, there are times when you may not even like the person you are married to. I believe it was Billy Joel who said, ``You might love somebody but you won't want 'em everyday.'' It's no coincidence that the song is titled ``Ain't No Crime.'' The normal ebb and flow of relationships seems to involve at least three distinct stages: ``in love,'' ``out of love'' and ``wanting out.'' In Love This is certainly the most fun and enjoyable of the three stages. It's when you just can't get enough of each other. This can be in the early part of a relationship, as well at in many different times throughout a relationship, when couples experience fun, passion and excitement. Here some tips about the ``in-love'' stage: Pay attention during these times to what you are doing that helps you to enjoy each other. Relax and enjoy the ride. Out of Love This is the stage when you are just sort of going through the motions of day-to-day living. Nothing is really wrong, at least nothing you can put your finger on. While you may still be having fun together, there just doesn't seem to be much excitement or passion in the relationship. Many couples have described this stage to me as ``it seems like we're just roommates or something.'' Some tips: Don't panic, this can be very normal. Enjoy being friends. Remember and then do the things you did when you felt closest. Wanting Out This seems to be the most frightening stage of all. In this stage, we think such things as, ``I wonder what it would be like to be single again'' and ``Who is this person I married?'' We are usually not well prepared for these thoughts and feelings. A couple once told me the story of when the husband came to the wife and said the sometimes ominous words, ``We need to talk.'' He went on to say, with much apprehension, ``I'm not sure I feel like being married anymore.'' Potentially frightening words. The wife, in her wisdom, was able to say, ``Oh, is that all?'' What she was able to do with her response was to normalize the situation. This allowed the couple to handle the situation as a normal part of married life. Tips: Try not to make any major decisions during this stage. Remember that this can be a normal phase, and only a phase, of marriage. Remember that you don't have to act on every feeling that comes up. It's OK, and can even be helpful, to talk about the feelings involved. The ebb and flow of marriage is sometimes difficult to manage. It's important to remember that these stages are all normal and will pass, as is the nature of stages. While it's certainly not always easy, hanging in there can often be very much worth it. For even more tips and strategies for a great relationship visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's SecretsofGreatRelationships.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How Can I Get My Partner To Change?
How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want him or her to be?Many of us spend a lot of time thinking about how to get what we want from our partner - how to get our partner to open up, be more caring, see us, love us, pay attention to us, spend time with us, have sex with us, and so on. We spend at lot of energy trying to get what we want from our partner because we believe that if only we do it right - behave right or say the right thing - we can have control over getting our partner to change.
Long Distance Love
Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare. Most people met their mates in school, through a friend or neighbor, at a party or in a bar.
Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection
In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that can help us understand how a couple that was once close can drift so far apart.How couples drift apart1) Life got in the way.
Spouse Improvement: Influence Your Partner to Change in Just 7 Steps
Everyone has something they'd like to change in their partner. Here is a 7-step process to create a change in your partner.
Relationship Habits
How many of you have ever been involved with a significant other who wanted you to do something you didn't want to do? I doubt that I'm the only one. By virtue of a significant other relationship, there will be times when our partners will want us to do things we don't necessarily want to do and conversely, there will be times when we will want our partners to do things they don't want to do.
Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?
How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values?Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a sense of loss of self?There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving? You are not preserving a loving relationship since love does not demand that you excessively bend your values.
Christmas Gifts Can Be a Cheating Husbands Undoing
Have you been plagued by the nagging feeling that your husband might be having an affair? Well. Christmas is probably the ideal time to confirm your suspicions and perhaps find additional proof of your husband's infidelity, as well.
Learning to Trust Again
Eleven o'clock on a weeknight I found myself phoning a man whom I'd recently met. We had been talking regularly and I just wanted to hear the sound of his voice.
Romantic Gifts - 10 Sizzling Ways to Give Them
When it comes to giving a romantic gift, it's not just what you give, but how you give it. For the most impact, creativity is more important than price.
Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?
It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientists have made it their life's work focusing on the gender differences. In our male-dominated society it is no coincidence that men have undertaken the bulk of this work.
The Friend Who Taught Me
Knowing her day can be dreadfully tiresome when she mounts her soapbox, there's much to like and enjoy about her life so far.When she describes the understandings of her existence and its climactic moments, I compare with other ordinary people as they go through their day, terrified of what may come their way.
If You Cannot Make Friends, Make Foes
There are few desires (if any) stronger than the deep wish to be liked. The first time you realized that not everybody liked you, it was a shock.
10 Red Flags In Dating Relationships
When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation 'If I had only known.
Love Relationships: Focusing on What went Right
What's all the Hype about Love Relationships, Anyway?Love relationships are not what they're cracked up to be. They take real effort -- things like: admiration, commitment, dedication, devotion, forgiveness, encouragement, strength, inspiration, motivation, understanding, compassion, hope, desire, steadfastness, and so much more.
Happily Ever After/Real Love
I was 43 years old and still looking for love. I guess I was searching for love in all the wrong places.
When Attracting Sexy Women, Remember... Time And Circumstance Change Everything
Many guys are just too intimidated and full of anxiety around sexy women to be successful at attracting women. I've even seen guys who turn women's heads walking into a room who have this issue.
What Planet Is Your Relationship On?
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, what planet is their relationship on?John Gray's bestselling book used a planetary analogy to understand relationships. It proved very popular as a way of understanding and interpreting the behaviour patterns that men and women display.
Relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal
"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."Remember that little rhyme from childhood?It's wrong.
Great Relationships: 7 Secrets You Must Know to Make It
1. CommitmentTrue commitment means much more than simply committing to staying married.
Abusive Relationships
Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power.
|
