Great Relationships: How to Create a Nag-Free Zone
Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that is being destroyed by nagging. I've tried to get her to stop and even begged her to stop. She won't stop, and it just makes me less willing to do the things she is nagging about. How can I get her to stop nagging? A: I think I can help you to create a "nag-free zone" in your home. I will tell you in advance, however, that you may not like what I suggest. But you do sound desperate enough to try it, and it has worked well over the years. I have rarely, if ever, seen a situation in which one member of a couple was nagging without the other member of the couple being irresponsible in some way. They just seem to go together. The situation is made worse when you try to tell her to stop. This is because it's rather like throwing gas on a fire and wondering why the fire did not go out since the gas was wet. Nagging hurts both people Whether it's a spouse or a parent, I've yet to meet the person who stays up late at night wondering "How many ways can I nag tomorrow? Let's make a list." It just doesn't happen. Believe it or not, nagging is no fun. Not for the "nagee," and not for the "nagger," either. So, if you are still reading and listening, here's what to do. First, you have to think in terms of breaking this cycle. As you so correctly identified, the more she nags, the less you do, and so she nags more, and you resist more. This creates a situation where a breakup is just matter of time. Second, you need to keep at the very front of your mind the notion that nagging comes from fear. This has been verified by every nagger I have ever known. The fear is usually something like fear of not getting important things done, fear of not being taken care of, fear of not being cared for and loved. So the next time you are feeling nagged, ask your self "What have I not taken care of?" Answer honestly, then step up and make a plan for fixing it. Next, and this is the most powerful thing you can do, ask your spouse, "What is scaring you right now?" Be sure to ask it kindly and gently and not with an irritated or accusatory tone. Then listen. Take care of the fears. Then keep behaving in ways that continue to take care of the fears. I hope you have the courage to try this at home. If you think about it, not only is this a strategy for creating a "nag-free zone," it's also a strategy for drawing the two of you closer. For more tips and tools for creating and living a great relationship, visit leading relationship coach Jeff Herring'sSecretsofGreatRelationships.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Ive Gotta Hand It to You
What would I do without my wife? Not much. What would I do without my best friend? Even less.
Shattered Visions
Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a really good shopping trip. It takes having someone who knows you very well either urging you forward on a contemplated splurge--or holding you back before you plunge ahead on one she knows you'll live to regret.
Great Relationship Advice: How to Balance Your Hear at Work with Your Heart at Home
Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?"From my seat in the theater, this movie had a much more valuable message than it's catch phrase "show me the money."Tom Cruise plays the title character Jerry Maguire, a fast moving sports agent who lives for the big score and makes big money.
Society's Misconception of Soul Mates - Divine Source through Barbara Rose
Society's current conception of the term "soul mate" is completely contrary to what the term really means.Imagine two gallons of water taken from the AtlanticOcean.
What Do the Words "I Don't Love You Anymore" Really Mean?
Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, "I don't love you anymore"? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong.Like most spouses in your situation, you may be confused and struggling to understand what those five ominous words "I don't love you anymore" really mean.
Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?
Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting Marge seriously, he has been sending or bringing her flowers.
Love is Not Supposed to Hurt
Questions and Answers:I often feel sad in my relationship, what can I do about it?I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, is that normal?I feel different from how I used to feel, like I've lost my sense of self. Why?What can I do if my partner switches demeanors like Jekyll and Hyde?How can I stop my boyfriend from humiliating me, degrading me, and putting me down?Here are your answers:I often feel sad in my relationship, what can I do about it? If you feel sad in your relationship most, if not all of the time, then it is time that you really asked yourself if this relationship is bringing you joy MOST of the time.
Dont Ignore the Signs: How Emotional Infidelity Can Ruin Your Relationship
Emotional infidelity can start with a simple hi or a wink. It begins in a boardroom or a chatroom.
Are You Looking for Ms. Right or Mr. Not so Wrong?
Do you want to find the "love of your life?"It's not easy to find Mr. or Miss "Right".
Tips for Building Love Relationships - 1
Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their significant other. But what do they do? Same old thing over and over, and then wonder why it all went bad.
The Womans Guide to Younger Men
I often awake to find Beverly, my older wife, wrapped around me like a Virginia creeper. In the nineteen years since we met, she has shown me what true love is, and I couldn't live without it.
Passion or Purpose?
I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately.
Conflicts Dont Have to Mean a Fight to the Death
Although conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.The secret is in how you approach and handle the conflict.
Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways
WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times we operate in a state of being that is selfish and inconsiderate.
How to Find Relationship Advice
One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice is that the relationship advice business is exactly that - a business, and a big business at that. It is important to be aware that there is a lot of bad advice available in the marketplace, a lot of poorly trained relationship counselors around, and a lot of poorly conceived and badly written books on the subject.
Don't Snuff Out Expressions of Liking
It is hard to express all the emotions to somebody whom you love the most.Although one wants to share all those things which he/she has in his/her heart.
10 Free Romantic Gifts
Being in love does not mean that you should turn overnight to be an extravagant spender. Love is beautiful when it is simple and true.
Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship
So often when we begin to enter into a new relationship, it is very easy to get swept up by the romance, and leave behind our friends. With the wonderful bliss that you feel when you enter into a relationship it's easy to understand why we forget our friends and our everyday relationships.
Coping With A New Culture: Problems And Solutions
Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest job of one's life, for, not only that you miss your friends and family in the new place, you also miss your very own culture. And culture, as the social anthropologists say, is exactly what we do in our life.
Can You Become A Better Friend After Taking A Friendship Quiz?
Q. Does a friendship quiz really work?A.
|
